Mom and Liza keeping me laughing-who could find the funniest Meme on the internet.
Tuesday is chemotherapy day for me.
It's not just Tuesday though...when you start to dread the hospital, it can poison every single day that leads up to it. Tuesday is a day of trying.
Trying to pretend that you don't mind. That you're strong. Pretending that I am NOT afraid. Afraid of being sick afterwards, that something could go wrong, that the needles will hurt-they always hurt. It took 3 people and almost 45 minutes this time. Trying to pretend that it doesn't hurt because the nurses job is hard enough without me groaning and crying
Joos Von Cleve 'The Suicide of Lucretia'
This would have been a faster, less painful way to get that needle in...
Trying to eat something or drink something...I don't like eating or drinking much. It makes me nauseous. So Liza tries to bring me crackers and pudding and ginger ale and water and cookies...anything, if I'll just have something she would be happier. But I don't want to get sick and I have a long way to get home.
Trying to distract myself.
Trying to keep my patience and my smile in place when all I wanted to do was to close my eyes and try not to throw up.
Tuesday...used to be karaoke night.
I sang karaoke last month. In a strange place during a contest. With 3 judges. But that's another story and I'm needing to focus on something else. Like sleep.
I'm lying here in bed full of drugs and nausea and I feel like crap. But I am writing. I'm wondering why I bother. This is not a happy post. I didn't have any fun today. I wasn't happy. It wasn't a good day...was it?
Lets see...I was with Mom and Liza. That's always great. The food in the cafeteria looked really good and Mom and Liza had a delicious lunch while I waited for my results. (They were crap-but that's another story for another day) I had soup for dinner and tea. I chased my kitty around the table cuz he wanted to play. I did a load of laundry. I found a working fridge on FreeCycle and the lady said I could come and get it tomorrow. So we can get rid of the leaking, broken one we have. That's good.
I am in a nice warm bed and if I got up and looked out the window I would see a million stars. The neighbor across the field is having a bonfire and I want to walk over there and sit down with a nice cold beer and just look at the fire. I don't know them though. Maybe I should introduce myself. Just ask them...listen, would it be alright if, when I saw the light from a bonfire, if I just came over and sat quietly. I wouldn't be any trouble at all. I just like fires. Yeah...I should ask.
So, maybe not a total wash out. Once some of this crap is out of my system I will feel more inspired.
I already feel better.
Thats me trying.
How I feel on Tuesdays