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The Dangers of Not Drinking

Here I am, feeling much better thank you. The infection is under control and I have much to look forward to. Sort of.

Family is coming. I love family visits. I think I share most peoples love/hate of those visits though. I want to see them, my brother and his wife and the 3 kids. SO want to see them. Look forward to seeing them. It’s been too long…However, it’s a bit of a strain, the anticipation of this visit. There is a unending list of things that must be seen to and the date of arrival is looming ever closer.

So much to do…

The house needs dusting, the bbq needs cleaning, the spare bedroom needs attention, the dogs have fleas and now the cats do too. (Can you hear my scream of rage?) There are too many books everywhere and no where to put them, so they need sorting and donating. There are chachkys and knick knacks and interesting pottery and fabulous bowls and they’re all over the damed place!! Where’d this all come from?

And shoes. I’ve bought more pairs of shoes this year than ever before in my life. I was trying to find the elusive pair that won’t hurt my feet.
I would have been willing to bet that THESE would have been comfortable.

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No, they wouldn’t be. I know they aren’t out there. Even ugly shoes are uncomfortable. The beautiful ones are painful. Trainers, boots, ballet flats, sandals, espadrilles, you name it I’ve tried to put my feet in them.

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Just looking at those makes me drool and gag at the same time. Oh the torture…maybe it would be worth it?

No.

I’m going to try using big zucchinis next. We have a lot of them in the garden. But…but…my high heels! High heel shoes are especially heart wrenching to donate.

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I know I won’t be able to wear them again. So they must go. {sob} along with all the trainers, joggers, flats, boots…everything. I have to harden my heart. It must be done. But maybe not sober.

I went to get a drink and I noticed that the liquor cabinet was neglected. I started dusting the bottles and almost began to cry. Really. Dust!? On our vodka? A thick film over the 12 yr old whiskey? My beloved rum is almost depleted but I can’t remember the last drink I had…and I didn’t replace it. Have I not been drinking?!

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I ran over to the fridge and lo and behold, the thing is FULL of beer, mixers and 2 bottles of white wine, tentatively opened to entertain visitors and left to languish 2/3 full.

No one is drinking…it’s summer. If that doesn’t make you want to weep you’ve a heart of stone. I grew three different kinds of mint this year, dreaming of mojitos. I stoned peaches and readied them for margaritas. They’re in the freezer. Alone. Cold. Hard, Ignored.

It was sad seeing the freezer. Along with the organic strawberries and our secret stash of raspberries to use in the champagne, I have the makings for fantastic Pina Coladas with fresh toasted coconut strips-I have a damned COCONUT sitting on the bar! Rhubarb Collins, Cosmos, Caesars, Bloody Marys with pickled asparagus spears and fresh horseradish and these shoes.

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I have darling straws and flavored rimmers and tasteful cocktail napkins…I have strainers and shakers and a soda siphon…it doesn’t matter. No one is drinking…not even me.

Well, I’m not supposed to but that’s not the point. SOMEone should be drinking, shouldn’t they?!

Merde. If I had a sick friend who was a former champion bartender with a full liquor cabinet I’d be over at least a few times a week until it was gone…bastards.

This is Wednesday. I have until Sunday. No problem. I’ve decided that the only way I can steel myself to give away books and shoes {Sob…sniff-my two favorite things in the WORLD} is to get drunk after work tomorrow- I’m off antibiotics as of 6pm tonight. I’ll stuff it all into my car before I can change my mind. Or will I be overtaken with nostalgia and refuse to part with anything and risk having a cascade of high heel shoes and much thumbed novels rain down on my unsuspecting brother when he opens the guest room closet? hmmmm…if I could get his reaction on camera it might be worth it.

Wish me luck.

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11 thoughts on “The Dangers of Not Drinking

  1. Oh, the shoes, it’s painful. I know. Any size 37.5 or 38’s? Are you willing to share?
    Have and excellent time with your family — and the oddly placed pair of shoes shouldn’t matter too much. Thinking of you. XO

  2. Ach. That’s not good. I keep seeing jars of shoes pickled in Vodka lining your shelves..maybe an appropriate Art installation? Maybe that’s the solution?! Good luck luv..I’m quietly drooling over the mojitos with three kinds of mint whilst wearing some of these wonders… xxx

    • Wouldn’t it be nice? I have a different pair in mind for each drink. Today I’m asking myself if it’s possible to keep a couple pairs of my favorites and just sit and look at them when I get tense. Now the idea of pickling them in vodka sounds simply smashing!

    • Yes, I am confident that my brother can help me with the 12 yr old rye whiskey…the fact is, I have such a well stocked bar because no two of us agree on what constitutes a cocktail. There are purists (straight, water side) sweet drink aficionado’s (Collins and Cosmos) Those who prefer blended drinks like margaritas and Pina Coladas and those who like wine or beer…I like them all. I don’t play favorites.

      • Once upon a time there was a man called Ortiz-Patino, the “King of Tin”. Not exactly the kingdom one aspires to reign over, but anyway, the money compensated.
        He began his days with a bloody mary. At lunch it was screwdrivers, then red wine. 5pm was time for gin and tonic, and then red wine once again… 😀 And that’s just someone in my neighbourhood 😀

      • Now that doesn’t sound too bad. I am the King Afuera de la Casa-but the cat rules the roost. Did i just mix a metaphor? Can a cat rule a roost? I’m not King of the Metaphor after all.

There is no sin except stupidity.

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