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Pull The Other One…

You ever had one of those ‘you’ve gotta be kidding me’ days?

One of those days that begin to snowball into a couple of days…and then a week?

One of those weeks where nearing the end of it you can’t do anything but laugh or scream or jump off the ferry? Not that it would do any good. They train for that kind of thing on our ferry system.

I am having a week of incredible bad luck, and at this point I’m wondering if this isn’t proof that there is a God and He has a really strange sense of humor. I mean how can things go SO consistently wrong unless someone up there is waiting to see if I crack? Just waiting to see if I can still be grateful and pray with thanks for the lovely wonderful things that have happened to me in the past. Can I be grateful? Can I retain my sunny outlook? Or will I suddenly start laughing and not be able to stop?

This week, if it could go wrong, it did. With fireworks and bells and whistles.

I had a simple cleaning at the dentist. Easy peasy…no problem. Except no one told the hygienist that. She decided that I was getting the SUPER deluxe UNDER your gums cleaning. The kind of thing one normally leaves to a trained periodontist. Yes. She was about 20 yrs old. Maybe.

She stuck me with about 4 needles of numbing agent-all in the wrong spots and far too quickly. My left side of my face was numb to the eyeballs and she managed to numb out my nose and then wash extra novocaine or whatever it was DOWN MY THROAT so that was scarily numb. Then she hosed a bit more into my sinus cavity attempting to wash out whatever bit was left from NOT GOING INTO MY GUMS!

That’s when she got to work. With something that sounded like a drill, and pointy implements that she stuck under my gums until they bled. Then she suctioned out the extra water/saliva with a freezing cold blast of air on my sensitive teeth, followed by icy water. At this point I was pedaling an invisible bicycle gripping the arms of the reclined chair with a mouthful of implements and going “MPffmmmHH!!!!”
‘Do you need more numbing?’
‘I don’t know…I’ve never been in so much pain during a cleaning. That novocaine isn’t having much effect.’ (But it sounded like ‘I Oh mo yat movopain irt habin ush uhfuc.’)
‘Oh, you have sensitive teeth…hold on.’
And she stuck more novocaine into my mouth. Now my entire face is numb, my tongue is numb and I’m scared of her. She has the prettiest eyes and she looks SO sweet…but she’s an alien. She has no empathy. I begin to see her eyes are cold, I think at one point they were glowing.
It was exquisite pain, the kind that you think you can overcome and are reminded second by second that you can’t. But you do. I did. I sat there and sat there until it was over. Finally. One hour and 45 minutes of this.

When I got out to my car I sat there drying my weeping eyes and looking at myself in the rear view mirror and wondering what the HELL JUST HAPPENED!!! Why didn’t I STOP her?! Can you believe it? I’m an idiot.

Then there was the surgery I had to have, the nurse put the IV into the wrong arm, then forgot to draw blood…chemotherapy didn’t go well, I got bad news…you know what….I’m not even going into it. Suffice to say THAT day at the dentist started the whole ball of wax to melt and ruin day after day. After day.

I don’t know why. This is day 8 of late ferries, gasoline spills, bad waiters, strange customers, a guest, a good friend, that came days early-before my surgery- they were supposed to come for a two day visit, today, the 3rd, NOT on the 1st!!, do you know how awkward that was?

‘Oh…you’re on your way NOW? Really, you’ll be here in two hours? No no, that’s fine…’

Shit…they forgot about my hospital visit and I came home sick as hell and unable to do anything but lie in bed. The two days turned into a week and their little dog ate my teeth last night.

Read that over again. I had to. I have to wear a plate to replace missing teeth , don’t ask how this happened, it was a series of unfortunate events among many more and the result is that my teeth, my FRONT teeth are chewed up in pieces and I have July 4th, dances, bbq’s, guests and no front teeth.

My life….

…. and I can only laugh.

Tonight is July 3rd. It’s the Winslow Street Dance. I’ve GOT to go. Something’s gotta give, am I right? I’ll have a great time, I’ll dance to Michael Jackson-they ALWAYS play Michael Jackson- and I’ll finally remember all the moves to Thriller or someone will toss off a firework and it will land on my head and set my hair on fire. I could just stay home and hope for the best.

But that’s never any fun, is it?

Happy Fourth of July to all of you out there that celebrate. Lift one nice cold one up for me and hope that this is the mighty hump and that I’m over it!
Plain sailing, clear skies and NO LITTLE DOGS!!!!



12 thoughts on “Pull The Other One…

  1. Oh Laura, faaarrrkk! Yep, I think God does have a fucking strange sense of humour but I’ve no idea where to pin this week, on Him? or someone else out there? I’d hug the livin’ shit outta you right now if I could…love Red.


  2. Hairy dogs bollocks, please slump on the sofa of despair..you have every right too..then dance those fancy socks off and laugh in the face of adversity. Two fingers to everything that needs it and more.. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  3. Well clearly you’ve not been told but you are the heroine of an (award winning) indie comedy and your hero (not a dentist–that would be too on the nose) is about to come walking into your life–if that didn’t already happen at the Wimslow Dance…watching this space…


There is no sin except stupidity.

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