Home » Uncategorized » Tomorrow is Another Day…

Tomorrow is Another Day…

20140402-144433.jpg</a

Last night I woke up at 2:37 am. My cat, Mr. Jones, jumped onto the bed from the bookshelf where he sleeps and woke me up. I was kind of resigned. I don't fall asleep easily once I'm awake. I got up and opened the bedroom window and leaned on the ledge and looked outside. Night noises. Something had gotten ahold of something else far away. Sounded like a duck. There are a lot of predators around here. Lots of duck ponds. There's one across the road, the guy sells duck eggs. Mr. Jones had jumped up onto the bookshelf next to the window again and was staring fixedly out the window. Then at me. Then out the window.

Do any of you have cats? They are odd creatures. Loving and friendly, beautiful and clever, cruel to our eyes, but excellent in all the ways that nature intends. Good hunters.

That look he was giving me was, what's the word? I've seen that look. The look a predator gives. Dead eyed but excited way down there. He heard that sound too. He kept staring out the window with me. I looked at him and wondered what he was hearing. I couldn't hear much of anything. Just sounds of distant quacking. Not something you hear at night. Poor duck. I could see him looking at me and wondering why I was standing there. He just kept looking outside and then looking at me. Nothing I could do.

I eventually closed the window and went back to bed.

Turns out that what I was hearing was a raccoon in the henhouse. It killed our rooster and two baby chickens. Edith, a silver laced Wyandotte and Florence, a Barred Rock. Both were only a few weeks old. Left Annie, Joni and Grace huddled together up near the roof. But alive…

Shitty. I heard it and I didn't know what I was hearing. It sounded far away. It sounded like a duck. So this morning was a bloodbath to clean up. The whole henhouse was a mess. Liza is out there re hanging the gate and tightening up the wire enclosure. I'm sitting here on the porch, done with crying and gagging. I really need a beer.

ahhh…better. Not a lot better but…

Yesterday I got out of SCCA – Seattle Cancer Care Alliance – where I'd gone for yet another throw down. Beating this bitch to the curb is an on going thing.

I've been feeling poorly. I pay attention now. When I lose energy and I feel lousy, I like to stay in touch with SCCA.

They took out the port that the drugs flowed through into the vein in my heart. It was there so that the drugs could sweep through my whole body really fast. The needle in the heart. It wasn't a good feeling. I could feel my poor old heart beating at strange rhythms, sometimes really hard, sometimes very fast, sometimes it scared me. So I called them.

They said they wanted to take the port out, but it's not because I won't ever need chemotherapy again. To be frank. It was because I wasn't doing well with it in there. There I said it. I admitted it. I suppose that's what this blog is for. Sometimes I think it's just to talk to all you lovely people. Sometimes it's just so I can say out loud (as it were) what is bothering me or scaring me.

I hate to admit it but I don't like to tell my family stuff like that. I don't want them to worry about me since worrying won't help. In fact it's stressful to me to worry my family. Can you understand that? I know they want to help. I know they should know important stuff but, to me, getting the port out was all they needed to know. It meant no more chemo to them. I didn't tell them my numbers were up again from October. I felt like I should have when I found out in January but I didn't want to. And I didn't put it here either. And now this.

Not that I'm worried. Hell no. I think my heart was acting up because I had a bloody needle in it. Screw that. I feel better already. Or I will when the stitches in my chest are gone. They are internal stitches so I have to be careful for a little while so they can do their job.

So that's my day…I had fun after the hospital. Really I did. But last night, going to bed, feeling good after an afternoon of being indulged by my family and then failing to protect my chickens…standing there last night hearing the whole thing, maybe I could have saved Elvis. I loved that rooster. He was beautiful. I feel like crap today.

I am going to drink Blue Moon ale and plant some flowers.

And I'm going to plan a better post. Something that I did that I loved. Something. I can't think of anything right now. Tomorrow is another day.

20140402-145026.jpg

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “Tomorrow is Another Day…

  1. You didnt fail my Lovely – how could you know? Needle in heart no wonder it was jumping. Hope you feel better for saying it out loud so to speak. Thats the good thing about a day only being 24 hours – we can start again tomorrow. Thinking of you xx

  2. With you, as I look at my ancient Kitty….no hunting for her — she mostly sleeps. I am sorry about the hen house, serious bummer. I am glad the needle is out — as is your heart. Sending you a pocket full of sleep vibes for the next time your furball jumps on you.

  3. Those are a few pieces of bad news, but this hasn’t got your beat. I’d pour you a beer myself and tell you how I ended up about six hours from death. Medical aids don’t react well inside of me either.

  4. Laura Lynn,
    Sorry you had such a crummy day. I can really sympathize with you. The past five and a half years have been hell for me. I have been the caregiver for cancer and it just plain sucks. My reward for all that work? A lot of attorney fees to deal with a divorce I did nit want. The stress aggravates my two spine surgeries. Just when I’m feeling better something comes out of left field and blindsides me. That is why I started my Choosing To Be Happy series. When I have a bad day, I find something to be happy about, even if it is just a single flower. It may not seem like much, but it does help to bring you into the moment. Happiness is a choice, albeit not very easy choice when life seems to be slamming you against a wall (maybe some Pink Floyd). I will pray for you to have a better day tomorrow and the cancer numbers will come back down.
    Patrick

  5. Was someone sending you death in the night to remind you of what you faced head on and conquered? There’s something symbolic in there somewhere, Laura. I’m sorry about the bloodbath in the henhouse. You couldn’t have prevented that, not knowing. But you can listen to your own body; the needle wasn’t working, it needed to come out. You are the one who knows your own body better than any doctor. Forge on, stay strong and use this platform to vent and screech and holler like a banshee if you need. We are here to listen and offer whatever lame but well meant support we can. You don’t always need to be eloquent among us, you know. A grunt will be heard too. XO!

    • Hoo boy, this was a bad day. Do you know what we found in the henhouse? A mink. Yes. We have a mink problem. It came back, too. Little so and so…I will write about those days some time soon. It was one of those funny sad days. But today? Today we shall ENJOY life!

      • Some people would love a mink infestation. They’d make themselves a coat. Not me, though. Let’s not encourage the barbarism! Awaiting your upcoming posts xo

      • I am actually shocked that a mink can cause that much devastation. It came back the second night-before we realized they were small enough to get through our gauge of chicken wire, and killed 2 more hens. That’s when I saw it with my own two eyes. I had to look it up on line to see what it was. Blood covered, with a chicken head, I have to admit, it WAS kind of pretty. This mink better look out though. I have a live trap set up…I’m going to get it. grrrrrr

  6. Everything is subject to change both the good and the bad.
    As the merry-go-round of life, with its ups and downs, goes around.
    You will ride out this downer and the world will sparkle for you.
    It is your turn for some good to come up as you deserve it.

  7. Totally agree with jackiemallon on this. Laura, I’m so sorry about your chickens and I feel sad seeing the last picture. I imagine you crying like her, silently but hot tears rolling down your cheeks. Grief and let the pent up frustrations and fear be released. Tomorrow is another day and is a day we can write a new history. Staying strong doesn’t mean you can’t scream and shout or cry. Just be at peace after that. Sending my love. I haven’t been visiting but you are always, always in my thoughts and prayers.

There is no sin except stupidity.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s