This is how I started off.
Hard to believe I was sick when this was taken. I didn’t know it. This was a couple of months before I collapsed and almost died. Dang. There is absolutely NO WAY to write that without sounding melodramatic.
Two or three surgeries, radiation, 72 stitches and they told me to go home and get ready for the real battle.
They told me I was going to lose all my hair when I started chemotherapy, so I got it all cut off.
I was in the hospital for a long time.
Got my hair cut and started chemotherapy. Dense dose chemo, every week, Fridays, 8am. Steroids, chemo, not eating or drinking anything that could give this bitch of a disease a toehold. Fighting. But I like a good fight.
Fighting…there was no way I was giving up.
Thinking I was doing okay…then my kitten, Maru, got run over.
…and Shizuka right after that. She was taken by a coyote. She wasn’t even supposed to be out of the house. And then my dog, Haida, disappeared out of the yard. I almost gave up.
Vanished. Gone. To this day I feel as if I failed him somehow. Someone took him. Stole him. Or maybe he died somewhere. I’ll never know.
And I thought having cancer was hard…I was right. It is. But losing pets one after another after another? That’s just FUCKED UP!!!
I was mad. I was sick and mad. Heartbroken. Driving around and putting up posters and crying crying crying for my lost little darlings. I told them I’d take care of them and as soon as I got sick they all 3 died. I wanted to sometimes. I stopped caring. But then I got this…
So, I decided that since heartbreak hadn’t killed me, cancer wouldn’t. I went to San Francisco, my first vacation in 8 years, to see the America’s Cup Race and Thing 1. I love those kids, Dean. And Sara! You have AMAZING kids! So do you Shannon! (Mr. Sugarbears) Your drawings and your care package!
And YOU! That’s right. YOU.
I was writing this blog and I leaned heavily on some of you. And you raised me up. You never let me down. I saw that there was joy. Pain, sickness, death, yes there was that. But there was also joy, beauty, love and friendship.
I raised money (thanks to all of you who helped me!) and I started to turn a corner. Plan my return to the living. Go back to work. Get this behind me. No matter how I felt. I was going to change.
Pretty soon I’ll need a haircut.