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Ramblings…it’s the Drugs. I don’t expect ANYONE to read this. I’m afraid of the word count.

So, I’m going to apologize in advance for the length. I am just pretending that someone is sitting here letting me talk their ear off. Some of you read my post yesterday and I have to say it was a good feeling to be able to say what I said.

It goes against the grain for me. I had to force myself to complain. To whine. I usually just internalize it – a little – and decide how to gone on. That’s why I called this blog Kicking and Screaming. It used to be Whining as well but I took that out when I realized my title was running into 2 paragraphs. No. I started this so I could complain and no one who knew me would know what a coward I was. What a complainer and a totally mean and bitchy whiner I was. I usually would channel this stuff into other outlets. All I needed to do was prioritize. What has to be done right now. What can be done tomorrow. How do I do this without troubling people? God forbid anyone feel sorry for me. I have my pride, right?

So wrong…on so many levels.

First off, thanks to the wonderful person who responded to my whining, no. I’m not going to call it that anymore. It’s not in the title. I’ve learned my lesson. The person, the lady in all senses of the word, who responded with a list of things I can do for myself. I wrote some things down which made me feel good. I took notes, people!

I did well at chemotherapy and the nurses were all in fine form. We were sharing YouTube videos and horrid tattoo websites and laughing so hard I had to sit down.

I got there early and was able to start early and we caught the 1:00 ferry home. I bought the dog food and cat food and milk for tea. I went to HelpLine House and got 2 eggplants and tomatoes and pears. Fantastic.

I’m all jacked up on dexamethasone so there will be no sleep tonight. That’s okay. I’m used to it. Saturday is my sleeping in day. These Friday posts are a reflection of the drugs. A little disjointed. A way to keep myself company without relying on surfing the internet.

Surfing. I am a terrible surfer. I wrote a stern letter to our Senators from Washington and our Congressman regarding gun control and the filibuster. I went to some political sites and some health related sites and, in a totally mean spirited way, I made fun of the people who were just asking for it. In my opinion.

Because who wants to spend hundreds of dollars a year on Sharpies? Because who wants to spend hundreds of dollars a year on Sharpies?

or what about this brilliant job…I think face tattoos are the worst and this guy? well…just in case he ever got out or wanted a job…now there is no need for a background check, right?

Yep, he's a keeper! Yep, he’s a keeper!

Oh boy, two in the morning…

I look like crap and I’m trying to get used to the looks I get. I forget sometimes that I look sick. People look sorry. Not mean or even curious. Just sad. Sorry. I wonder why they look at me and their eyes slide up or over and then I remember.

Oh. Right. I look like a cancer person. Bald and eyebrows and lashes going. I look like that. hmmm…I try and smile if I can catch their eye in time. I’m okay. Don’t feel bad. Smile at me. It’s not catching.

It was weird in the supermarket today. I am so easily distracted and, like I said, I don’t get out much so when I do…I didn’t want to stop. Mom kept giving me Purell for my hands and I know she was worried a bit. But I have to use my brain. Doctors and Nurses orders. So there I was with Mom who could have gotten and paid for everything in 15 seconds and I was staggering around going

‘Wait…wait…okay. Hold on. Don’t say anything. What aisle is this? No. I can’t go down the soap aisle. It smells. ooh look, sausage. Wait…don’t tell me. I’m getting some…Corn?! It’s corn season?! Where is this corn from? Aren’t bananas pretty? Wait…don’t tell me. DOG FOOD. We’re here for dog food. What aisle is this? Did I bring my coupon? Should I buy a lotto ticket? I have a dollar. Wait…where are we? ooh look is that a free sample of sausage?

Poor Mom.

Rose, my favorite nurse, told me I have to read. Follow things on TV and understand them. Bleh. I watched a not very good, really really LONG movie. I was so mad. Everyone says this is a MUST SEE. It’s an essential movie. It’s pivotal. So I watched Giant. I was terrified it would never end. That I had died in the chair and my hell was going to be watching this never ending movie. 3 hours and 49 minutes. God I hate tv sometimes. Watching Liz Taylor ham it up. I could see Grace Kelly in that role. And maybe..oh whats the use, but damn it that role was so wrong for Liz Taylor. And not even using Sal Mineo. Although seeing him standing there next to Rock Hudson was funny. The two most flamboyant gay guys in Hollywood. hee hee…And Dennis Hopper? Really? In a Gee Dad gosh I wanna be a doctor role? arrghh…I kept seeing him in Blue Velvet. It was such a good book. They killed the best, most complex character, Luz Benedict, early on.

I thought Alec Guinness. You can’t go wrong…I’ll watch Our Man in Havana. Is it me?! That movie wasn’t funny. Now the one with him as the leader of the gang and they move into that old ladies house…what was that called? Hilarious…

God I was mad last night. Sitting on that sofa like a true sci fi geek and watching Giant. Watching a bad movie and it was Star Trek ‘Into Darkness’ opening night and I am a big fan of Star Trek. Well, I loved the tv series. And I even liked the movies, at the time. Now I watch The Wrath of Khan and I wince. And that’s considered the best one. It was great at the time though. And this new series with what’s his name and you know who, the first film in this new series was really good. So pissed. They had all the old movies on. Wrath of Khan. Star Trek V. Oh that was bad…

‘Written by Shatner. Directed by Shatner. It’s a big pile of Shatner. This was supposed to be the capstone to the big-screen Trek enterprise, at least for the original crew, wherein they went searching for God. Literally. On a god-planet. That nobody can go to except it’s easy to get there. Oh, and Spock suddenly has a brother, who’s a space-televangelist. And we learn McCoy killed his dad. And Uhura has the hots for Scotty. And Jim Kirk wants his pain. He needs his pain! Apparently, the actor playing Kirk thought we all needed his pain, too, creating the film against which all badness is measured.’

Just the best bad review ever. I remember walking out of that movie going ‘WTF?!’

And Star Trek; Generations? Oh god…I watched that in lieu of Into Darkness tonight so I was just sitting there FUMING.

The central plot device of the film — a time warp of giddiness called The Nexus — works only because the main characters are idiots. You can’t fly a ship into The Nexus because it’ll blow up the ship? But isn’t that how Dr. Soren got there in the first place? And who cares if the ship blows up so long as you get to where you’re going? And if you leave The Nexus, you can go anywhere, anywhen, so why does Picard jump back to a time when Soren already has the advantage, rather than go back to, say, a week ago when he had a full security detail and just arrest the jerk? (And why doesn’t Kirk go back to his time and stop Soren then, and also pick up where his life left off?) This is why Trekkies can’t have nice things.

But now we can. That’s right, we got some good actors. They blew up Vulcan. That’s right. Every time I think of the fact that they got rid of all that weird shit by the simple expedient of just changing the whole time/space thing and turning Vulcans into an endangered species. It was so shocking. I walked out of that movie thinking…HEY, can they DO that? Can they just kill every single time line and whoa…they did. So cool. All those bad movies I sat through are now gone from the timeline…what a gigantic sigh of relief that was. You aren’t Star Trek fans. I know. I’ve watched that show and it’s spin offs since the 70’s. It was like a huge burden was lifted when they killed every single thing about the old series. Whew.. good. Lets start over and pretend that all that never happened.

And I’m sorry but I LOVE Benedict Cumberbatch. He’s dreamy. The best Sherlock ever. He’s the villain. Can’t wait to see it. Soon. On Tuesday I am going. I got my check today and once I pay the electric bill and get chicken food and hay I have enough left over to see the movie. I am taking my nephews. Not to the 3d version though. I haven’t ever seen a 3d movie and I am afraid it will make me motion sick.

Oh yeah…sunday. Sunday is the fundraiser. God. I don’t know what to do. Here’s my plan.
I’ll walk up and there will be this ENORMOUS silence. Everyone will be wearing cool looking clothes and there I’ll be.

In my blonde Jessica Simpson wig with lipstick on my teeth wearing two big balloons stuffed down the top of my WalMart size 2 electric blue tight tee with the oil stain on the front and a pair of green lace short short shorts. And my sandals. The teal green cork sole high heel sandals. With a hot pink plastic belt and a big RED purse. And a flask. A metal flask with what could only be vodka. I’ll call it ‘tea’. I’ll have a tuna fish sandwich wrapped in squishy plastic wrap. Maybe a couple of hard boiled eggs. Unpeeled, of course. And lots and lots of make up and perfume.

Oh wait...that's my friend Dharsea who is a model.  HAH!!! Oh wait…that’s my friend Dharsea who is a model.
HAH!!!

LOTS!

The NEW me.
Oh if only…

It’s good for a laugh but I can’t. Can I? Would it be in bad taste? Do I really have to ask that? Wouldn’t it be funny? No. Of course not. I’ll be good. I wish I knew what the sense of humour there is. I mean, it could be my contribution. I’m certain some people from work would laugh their asses off. No. Better not. But the curly wig? Yep. It’s only 8am it’s starting so…maybe just some Bailey’s.

On Monday I am going to be back to the paperchase and I couldn’t be happier. Until I get put on hold by the 7th person and then disconnected and…nah…that couldn’t happen again. Right?

Today is fun friday. I am having fun. Thank you to all of you. Now go and get some balloons and stuff them down your shirt. It’s actually pretty FUN!

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12 thoughts on “Ramblings…it’s the Drugs. I don’t expect ANYONE to read this. I’m afraid of the word count.

  1. I kept you in my prayers yesterday for a good treatment day. Glad to hear you got some good laughs in. I was looking at bad tattoos last week too – saw someone that had burritos tattooed on their knuckles in old English. I could see regretting that down the road – but maybe not.
    I know the feeling of people looking at you like it is something they can catch. I try to explain to others but I guess it is hard to understand unless you have been there.
    Awes

  2. Glad you are going to see your movie this week – enjoy!
    (Wrote a longer comment and not sure I sent – got band aids on my fingers and fumbled and my comment disappeared) if I didn’t send basically said I’m thinking of you and happy to hear you got some laughs in on treatment day. You are an amazing woman! Xoxo

    • I am pulling myself up by my bootstraps and trying to get back to where I was. Health wise, when stress takes its little ounce of flesh, I am a bit worse off. I am unfortunately confined to bed today with fever and sneezing. Tea and Tylenol and a good book and some sleep. Thats my day!
      I was too out and about the past couple of days. What about you? Trekkie? Sci Fi Geek? Action/Adventure? what do you like to watch?

      • It all depends on my mood. Today is comedy – last night Big Bang Theory. We have our towns annual festivities today so resting up to be able to go watch the fireworks. Fine just tired and bad mouth sores. Guess that helps me eat only the things I need and not the bad things I want 🙂
        Hope you start to feel better. Hang in there!

  3. Are you getting Parades End over there? Benedict Cumberbatch at his finest. Not a Trekky here..I remember the first Star Wars coming out..after that nothing else could compete. There has to be something better than bad Liz Taylor – I’m impressed you lasted the length. As for the tats..tsk. It’s branding yourself with other people perceptions..why bother? Sending love for the next 24 hours xxx

    • Parades End is NOT being got. Darn it. I have been scouring the listings to find things he’s been in. I saw him in The Other Boylen Girl but such a small role. I will track down Parades End. Maybe on Netflix…
      I felt sorry for the girl with the ‘eyebrow’ tattoo. Gives me shivers.

  4. Laura, i hope you get better with the fever and sneezing. love your bitching humour and learnt so much about movies here, lol… will try stuffing some balloons today 😉

There is no sin except stupidity.

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