Well, I thought it was going to be a crappy day because I STILL hadn’t done my taxes. Not that I ever get them done early and by that I mean any time before the 14th. Still, I thought, I’m getting them done. But first things first…
I went to the dentists office to drop off a coat hanger for a girlfriend, Dawn, who was locked out of her car while her 7 yr old was getting an examination. Poor Dawn. She always seems to have crises like these. I mean wouldn’t you think you’d have an extra set of keys somewhere? Apparently not. I suck at breaking into cars. I offered to call Triple A because I have a card. (Thanks Mom!) but she was convinced she could do it. So I sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes watching her scratch her car up and waiting for her to change her mind. Finally she acknowledged that she needed a pro. Finally. I called and they said 2 hours, or something ridiculous. I had to get to the library to get my taxes done so I offered to take her child with me and drop her in the kid section of the library. Get taxes done, bring child back. That way Dawn can pace and chain smoke and swear and drink coffee in peace without a bored pissed off 7 yr old bustin’ her chops.
So me? I’m going to get AARP tax help. The Geezers of Fury, that’s what I call them. I showed up at the local library at the requested time, drop the Child at the child friendly part of the library and sign in. I’m assigned the most lugubrious, sad looking, slow talking fellow I’ve ever met. And he’s a loud mouth breather too. The sort of fellow that you just KNOW you’d better not interrupt. He will stop dead and turn in his chair and stare at you while listening as HARD AS HE CAN. With absolutely no expression on his face. Leaving you saying things like “Ha ha..never mind…’ and ‘uh…so…yeah…’ So I sit in silence while he taps away at the computer for what seems like a long time.
Now at this point I want to just let him focus and who strolls in? The Child. She had a magazine that is geared towards adults. It’s like a frickin’ ‘Yachting Life’ or something. Which tells me that she has been upstairs in the adult part of the library. Now, what the hell was she doing upstairs and how did I miss that? I was supposed to be sort of watching her, wasn’t I? Yes, I was, no ‘sort of’ about it. Which is why I thought putting her in the kid section, which is 10 feet from where we were doing taxes, was safe. But no. Amazing ace babysitter apparently loses the Child and doesn’t even know it! Shit…so I asked her WTF? (But I phrased it all nice and everything) and the Child says ‘Kid stuff is boring.’ Really? Cause I agree. Smart kid. But I can’t TELL her I agree. Right? Or can you? Damn it, I KNEW I should have had a few kids. I’d know this stuff by now. So I said ‘You can’t just wander OFF!’ ‘I wasn’t wandering.’ she says. ‘I knew where I was going.’ Hmph…hard to argue with that. Except I thought I should. Just for the principal of the thing. So I’m marshaling my forces, as it were, when I notice my tax fellow. He is not happy. He has stopped breathing loudly through his mouth and he’s glaring, like burn a hole in my precious W2 form, glaring at my pile of paper. Uh oh. Now what?
Well it seems I’m missing pieces of paper. Naturally. And I forgot to bring my social security card. And there is a Child leaning on his desk with a copy of ‘Yachting Life’. He sends me off as if I were leaving, never to be seen again. I may as well have been rolling downhill tangled in a dirty sheet straight off the edge of a cliff. Thats how likely he felt it was that he would see me again. Hardly the geezer of fury I was looking forward to.
Well, I chew out the Child half heartedly. Buy her a hot chocolate, which I desperately want but can’t have what with the sugar and all, and watch as she fails to drink it. Dump it in the gutter and haul her back to the dentists office. Still no tow truck. Dawn is looking harried. Poor baby. I hand off the Child. Who promptly walks up to the passenger back side door and opens it and climbs in. What?! Seriously!? Dawn and I are properly flabbergasted. I’d tried all those doors. Discreetly, mind you. When I first got there I thought ‘Maybe, just maybe…nope. They’re locked. All of them.’ Dawn had done it too. And the one door that was unlocked wasn’t the one she was fiddling with. And then the tow truck comes. Perfect timing. We have all the doors open and I’m trying like hell to get a call in so Triple A doesn’t charge me for the service call. Too late.
So off she goes and I go to Helpline House to get some vegetables and bread or whatever they have. And I’m losing steam now. But I refuse to acknowledge this. I am FINE! I get my stuff and, did I mention that I had the dogs? No? I had the dogs. I went down to the Commons and sat at the Bakery with a cup of coffee. It wasn’t very peaceful though. Some guy was power washing some stairs just a couple shops down so it was noisy and there was a woman who was offended at the idea of me owning two mutts instead of one perfect purebred. She kept giving me and my pups this look. This irritated look that was bugging the shit out of me. First me, then the pups. Then she’d pet her barking, growling, mean looking little piece of hair and back to giving mean looks to my lovely muttly looking mutts. I wanted to leave but I had just gotten my coffee.
So I was playing around on the iPad when this dog lady walked by and said ‘Do I know you?’ As she walked by! Really? What the hell? I was a little taken aback. I still am. I said ‘I don’t think so.’ Boy, I wish I had a witty rejoinder. But I didn’t. She just kept walking AND looking back over her shoulder. I don’t know why this bugged me so much but it did.
I went home and got my paper and drove back to the library and met up with the sad tax man. He told me I owed $487 to the US govt. Which was a shock. And it couldn’t be right. It just couldn’t be. He assured me if I had all the papers, it was correct. So I left again, without filing. It was upsetting him every time I left without allowing him to press a button. He asked me if I knew it was illegal not to file taxes. I said ‘I may be dead this time next year ha ha’ He said ‘You may not be and even if you are you still have to file taxes.’ But no ha ha. Which is funny when you think about it. So I went home and got on one of those free tax filing sites and filled it all out and guess what? I owe $487. Wow…I’m fucked. I guess I’ll just wait and see. Maybe make a payment arrangement or some thing. How can I owe that much? I only paid an extra $20 last year after the $2000+ they took out of my wages.
So I came home all burned out and ended up opening a can of lentil soup and not even heating it up. I just ate it out of the can. With some bread. Not my best culinary effort. And now I can’t sleep. Arrgghhh…
Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I can feel it. I’m a winner. I’m…ah, fuck it. I’m taking a sleeping pill at 4:37 am and I’m sleeping the day away if I can. It’s what I should have done today.
Fucking tax day…