I have plans – and they don’t include regrets.

I don’t want to have regrets. I want to do something every day that made me smile. Every single day for the rest of my life.

This morning was my blood draw and doctors visit to see what was what.
Dr Thrall stressed how much she thought I should enjoy life, because we didn’t know what was going to happen and there are no guarantees (!) and I was tolerating chemotherapy well and I should get lots of exercise and keep up the good work, I should travel (really? travel?) oh by the way I’m moving to Anchorage so you’ll have a new doctor (huh! Wait…what!?) but thats okay, its Dr Gray so you’ll be fine. Boy, that Dr. Thrall is a wild card.

No regrets.

Today we spent our Christmas gift cards from Nordstroms. Dean and Asako send us $100 gift certificates every Christmas, but what with me failing to keep my end up etc we haven’t used them. Since we were all over there today and it was ‘just’ an office visit we decided to head into downtown Seattle and shop. We went to Nordstroms cafe for lunch. So deluxe. There is something so old fashioned about having lunch in an  expensive store.

Moms lunch

Liza’s lunch- the salmon was perfectly cooked.

Delicious kale and spinach salad with beechers cheese, a local Seattle delicacy, sliced almonds, roast chicken breast and dried cranberries.

With a glass of dry white wine…perfect! No regrets. We went through Nordstroms Rack too and I found the perfect cork soled shoes-on sale no less!

The perfect shoe. Looks amazing with my new maxi skirt-that little flash of color kicking out.

I know it seems as if all I do is shop lately but I’ve lost 20 lbs and I looked like a bag lady. Never let it be said that I didn’t try. I’m going to be the bald person with perfectly painted on eyebrows, fake lashes, a darling hat and kick ass high heel teal summer sandles. I may be sick but I’m not going to let it make me ugly. I want to go somewhere. I don’t care where I go. Somewhere I can sit and watch things. Drink coffee and sit with a book and this iPad, maybe.

It makes me want to get away. Away from this house where I collapsed. Where I was taken away in an ambulance and where my bedside table is full of prescriptions and receipts and unwritten thank you notes.

I have two brothers, one in San Francisco and one in San Diego. I don’t have to start twice weekly chemotherapy until April. Sometime after my birthday. Maybe I should try and come up with a plane ticket somehow.

Maybe I should start looking right now. Maybe I can leave Saturday. Or Friday after chemo. I could just go. In my new sandles. Take them for a walk. Forget all about this nonsense. San Diego is wonderful. Sunny and warm. San Francisco is beautiful and cultured. Yes. That’s exactly what I want to be. Sunny, warm, beautiful and cultured.

No regrets.