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Silent Spring

Well. It was scary today. Because its spring.

Like capital letter Spring. It was everywhere. I love Spring, but today it scared me.

I was sitting outside with my dog and it was not quite misting rain. Not too cold. In fact, I took my coat off and just sat at the Bainbridge commons and watched things. I was enjoying myself and throwing that nasty kong thing that Haida found and likes to chase. Just loving the day. All of a sudden…who writes like that?! But it’s true for me today…

…the cherry trees. They were blooming, the crocus were out, daffodils, hyacinth, people strolling. Spring is coming and suddenly it occurred to me that this could be my last one. My last chance to see cherry trees blossom. Crocus. Hyacinth. Tulips. Spring. The last time? No, that’s not possible, is it?

That just can’t happen. I’m only 52. I somehow counted on another 20 years. Another 20 springs. More dogs. More cats. More parties. More plane trips, more great winter coats and high heel sandals and perfume and sitting in the sun and swimming and lighting the BBQ. More dining al fresco. More steaks and beer and badminton. More Springs and Summers.

I can’t quite believe that it only just occurred to me.

I keep saying I’m going to beat this. I want to beat it. I AM thinking positively. Really, I am. Usually. They say its important. But to have it just come up and stand there in front of you…

You don’t know, you really can’t know, how many more Springs you want until there’s a chance that its your last one.

Did I appreciate it more? Feel it was more beautiful? Feel it more?

No. Spring is my favorite season. Everything is coming back to life.

Like me. Right?

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There is no sin except stupidity.

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